Domestic Violence!

"Violence cannot be stopped by Violence. It has to be stopped by wisdom. Only wisdom can stop violence."

                    - GURUDEV SRI SRI RAVI SHANKAR

Domestic abuse, also called "domestic violence" or "intimate partner violence", can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.

Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure, or wound someone. Domestic abuse can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender. It can occur within a range of relationships including couples who are married, living together or dating. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels. 

Are You Being Abused?

Look over the following questions to think about how you are being treated and how you treat your partner.

Recognizing the signs of domestic abuse.....

- Embarrass or make fun of you in front of your friends or family?

- Put down your accomplishments?

- Make you feel like you are unable to make decisions?

- Use intimidation or threats to gain compliance?

- Tell you that you are nothing without them?

- Treat you roughly—grab, push, pinch, shove or hit you?

- Call you several times a night or show up to make sure you are where you said you would be?

- Use drugs or alcohol as an excuse for saying hurtful things or abusing you?

- Blame you for how they feel or act?

Pressure you sexually for things you aren’t ready for?

- Make you feel like there is “no way out” of the relationship?

- Prevent you from doing things you want – like spending time with friends or family?

- Try to keep you from leaving after a fight or leave you somewhere after a fight to “teach you a lesson”?

Always remember...

- NO ONE deserves to be abused. The abuse is not your fault. You are not alone.

- DON’T worry about threats to your visa. We have information about visa options for your situation.

- DON’T worry if you do not speak the local language. We can get you help in many Languages.

Power and Control Wheel:

Physical and sexual assaults, or threats to commit them, are the most apparent forms of domestic abuse and violence and are usually the actions that allow others to become aware of the problem. However, regular use of other abusive behaviors by the abuser, when reinforced by one or more acts of physical violence, make up a larger system of abuse. Although physical assaults may occur only once or occasionally, they instill the fear of future violent attacks and allow the abuser to take control of the victim's life and circumstances.

The Power & Control wheel is a particularly helpful tool in understanding the overall pattern of abusive and violent behaviors, which are used by an abuser to establish and maintain control over his/her partner or any other victim in the household. Very often, one or more violent incidents may be accompanied by an array of these other types of abuse. They are less easily identified, yet firmly establish a pattern of intimidation and control in the relationship.

Emotional abuse includes undermining a person's sense of self-worth through constant criticism; belittling one's abilities; name-calling or other verbal abuse; damaging a partner's relationship with the children; or not letting a partner see friends and family. 

Psychological abuse: involves causing fear by intimidation; threatening physical harm to self, partner or children; destruction of pets and property; “mind games”; or forcing isolation from friends, family, school and/or work.

Financial or economic abuse: involves making or attempting to make a person financially dependent by maintaining total control over financial resources, withholding access to money, and/or forbidding attendance at school or employment.

Physical abuse: involves hurting or trying to hurt a partner by hitting, kicking, burning, grabbing, pinching, shoving, slapping, hair-pulling, biting, denying medical care or forcing alcohol and/or drug use, or using other physical force. 

For Survivors

- No one deserves to be abused. The abuse is not your fault. You are not alone.

- Contact the Critical Incident Stress Management Unit (CISMU) if you are concerned that you may be experiencing any form of abuse or are in fear for the safety of yourself or your children.

- If English is not your first language, you can request a language you feel more comfortable speaking when contacting CISMU to provide support.

- You can also see Support Organizations to identify and contact an appropriate resource for your assistance (for both US and International).

For Abusive Partner - Are You An Abuser?

- If you recognize that you are mistreating your partner, there may be resources in your community to assist you end the abuse. The National Domestic Violence Hotline has a number of resources that can assist. While this a US Hotline, the advice and information may be useful no matter where you live.

- Understand that the domestic abuse is not only against the United Nations code of conduct, but you may be subject to criminal prosecution under the law that is applicable in the duty station where you work.